community - Project Chronic

Recreation is Therapeutic

Miyabe — Thu, 07 Dec 2023 01:02:46 +0000

**DISCLAIMER** I’ve written these as if we’re hanging out just having a conversation. It is my opinion based on my experience as a scientist and as a part of our commuity.The information, including but not limited to, text, graphics, images and other material contained on this website are for informational purposes only. No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

I am not a medical professional and so I have no place giving medical advice. I am an expert on the molecular interactions of cannabinoids and their targets in the brain/body; I make theoretical extrapolations into my own life/cannabis/psychedelics use all the time, but have no formal training in physiology or general pathology outside of molecular mechanism.

I have always believed that there is a huge therapeutic value, specifically for neurodivergent adults, in recreation – so much so that my first non-profit endeavor was building opportunities for recreational music for higher support needs neurodivergent adults.

Eight years ago I attended a small acoustic concert in a living room in Larry Bird’s old house in Chestnut Hill, MA (I remember wondering why there were all these pictures of a huge, tall white guy in this Indian family’s home). Laine had been teaching violin to an extremely talented young autistic musician and two of his friends, one who played guitar, and one who played rhythm tambourine and this was their debut set together. Two other musicians with disabilities opened the show with piano and guitar. The room was filled with energy and by the time Laine’s trio took the stage, it was clearly a very successful party.

The audience was made up entirely of neurodivergent friends and family. The freedom and openness of behaviors was something I’ve never experienced. I found myself stimming and feeling more comfortable, more myself than I ever had in any public setting. Seeing the trio perform for their friends was engaging; the joy in the room was physically tangible. I had never been so aware of my own emotions in a space.

Laine and I played a small classical music set to close the concert and then a potluck dinner was served. As the night wore on, more and more unique conversations and experiences were had. These were my people. I had found community in a neurodivergent space like never before. We started playing music all together and that was the beginning of my first non-profit: The Music, Unity, and Social Expansion (MUSE) Foundation.

Until now I’ve had a really difficult time even thinking about MUSE, because it was in many ways mine and Laine’s first child. We built the non-profit from scratch by not paying ourselves and working multiple jobs to support its growth. We dedicated the first three years of our marriage to its success.

And I was devastated by the way it ended for me.

I used to think I’d write about it way down the line and air all the dirty laundry. I used to think I would feel empowered by telling my side, our side, especially because I have a keen memory especially in conflict. But in reality there’s nothing to tell besides what happened. The direction I had worked for years to build was negated, possibly because my disability, possibly because I was the only person of color on the staff, in favor of the strong opinions of two cis-hetero white men. Laine and I, and eventually another core administrative staff, were pushed to leave – all of us queer, neurodivergent adults.

I don’t think anyone needs to hear the dirty details, because sadly it’s such a common occurrence.

But now years later, I look back upon the time that I spent in that community as a huge step in my healing and a giant piece of my understanding of neurodivergent communities and the value of recreation for neurodivergent adults.

Neurodivergent adults need community support to navigate this complicated society.

We are often not fully independent and need additional types of support, especially emotional support. Feeling seen in a group of peers and knowing that you have a place among friends is critical to living a high quality of life. Humans were meant to be social and neurodivergent adults don’t get as many opportunities for that.

On top of that neurodivergent adults struggle to make and maintain friendships. Or we have atypical friendships that have blurred lines into other categories of relationship, like family. This is made worse by any atypical childhood family experiences. It can be difficult for us to understand our place in society which makes community support more important.

Recreational outlets, including situations that involve substance use for the purpose of recreation like cannabis or psychedelics or alcohol, create opportunities for neurodivergent adults to access different levels of social reward, decreased anxiety, and social bonding. Substances have been a part of our joined social experiences from humanities earliest times, just like music, or often in combination with music.

As I move into this next chapter with this new non-profit, I am feeling compelled to honor this piece of my history and push for the therapeutic value of recreational outlets.

The post Recreation is Therapeutic first appeared on Project Chronic.

The Boundless Unknown

Miyabe — Sat, 28 Oct 2023 02:35:21 +0000

I always knew I wanted to write a book, but it just never seemed to get enough momentum to make it to the finish line. I burn through my obsessions which often means they are bright, flashy, but not lengthy. I’ve made two other serious attempts at writing a book that never made it past the outline and first chapter.

It seems like it’s a theme for me that third time’s the charm.

This summer I had my first experience with dimethyltrypatmine (DMT) and, while I didn’t fully “break through,” it was life changing. It took weeks to process everything that I had been allowed to see. But I came away with a very well-defined purpose to share what I know and to create a space that uplifts others to do the same.

In the following months, I designed a completely new model for teaching science to neurodivergent adults, I wrote a book, I harvested my first ever outdoor photoperiod crop, and a I co-founded a cannabis reserach and advocacy non-profit. I feel driven by an undeniable purpose and it is absolutely exhilarating. I’m going to share some memories from this incredible and important time for me.

The post The Boundless Unknown first appeared on Project Chronic.

My Mystical Path to Farming

Miyabe — Fri, 09 Jun 2023 02:39:51 +0000

This is a multi-post series on my journey into urban agriculture as a focus point for natural medicine advocacy inspired by an interview with Emily Davis at the Community Agriculture Project.

Farming has closed the gap on quite a few unfinished stories in my life and one of them is that my college choice finally makes sense to me.

When I tell people why I chose to go to UC Davis, a university founded as an agricultural offshoot of UC Berkeley that grew into its own independence, I usually say it was about water polo – that it was the only school that would let me major in biochemistry and molecular biology while also playing D1. Which is both true and not true. I did play water polo, at least for a couple years, but I chose to go to UC Davis, because there was a sign from the universe and it was too loud to miss.

I usually lean away from talking about these feelings of mysticism openly, because in the past they’ve been leveraged against me in a clinical setting. Delusions and grandiosity are signs of both mood disorders and psychotic disorders, both of which I’ve been diagnosed with. But 2023 is authenticity so here it goes…

I have always had strong feelings of mysticism that persisted well beyond my childhood and without the addition of any substances. As a child, my grandma Kinu encouraged it, “it’s a gift,” she would tell me. “Never doubt it, and never deny it.”

Now over 16 years after I followed an otherworldly, ancestral push to attend a college that was founded as a farm and still maintains a lot of agricultural culture, it finally all makes sense. I was meant to find my way back to farming and I was meant to go through one of the most difficult times in my life at UC Davis that would force me to search through the pharmaceutical perspective before my return.

The answer often returns to community. The community and purpose that a farm creates is primal and touches deep roots that can transcend societal divides. It’s a route to sustainability; it’s the future for increasing access to foods and medicines. And we need to expand the protections and funding that go towards building small local farms for quality foods and medicines.

The post My Mystical Path to Farming first appeared on Project Chronic.

Of Molecules, Music, and Mysticism

Miyabe — Fri, 24 Feb 2023 01:46:33 +0000

Over the past 9 years of performing together, our genre of original music has been described as “fucked up folk”… It’s fitting since we are compelled to write music about subjects/emotions that we cannot express in any other way. Laine and I found our life together through music, and even started a non-profit together providing the scaffolding for a social music scene for neurodivergent adults. The therapeutic benefits of music and a social music scene (community) are undervalued and understudied interventions for mental health with real neurological, molecular mechanisms.

By far the most accessible written work on neuromusicology (the study of music in the brain) is Musicophilia by Oliver Sacks, so I’ll defer the more general findings. But I will say that after all the research I did on the effects of both molecules and music on the brain – from ancient to modern and from casual, amateur jam sessions to rigid, classical or more clinical therapeutic settings – I am certain that music acts in a complex multi-molecular mechanism that is not reproducible by any combination of molecules, natural or pharmaceutical.

"Music can pierce the heart directly; it needs no mediation [...] And there is, finally, a deep and mysterious paradox here, for while music makes one experience pain and grief more intensely, it brings solace and consolation at the same time."

- Oliver Sacks, Musicophilia

It is, however, undeniable that certain molecules enhance musical experience and vise versa, music enhances the molecules. It’s well-documented by the intimate relationships many musicians have with specific molecules that can be tools for connectivity to the artist’s creative identity. I have yet to step on stage without cannabis and I notice very distinct changes in the physical (rhythm, pitch, resonance, etc) and emotional tone of creating music.

Psychedelics take that expansion of emotional connection past what feels possible to describe. Synesthesia and beautiful visual accompaniments create a sense of connection to the divine, to the deepest part of what it means to be human, to creation for the sake of creation, and to the power of forgiveness in the process of healing. During our first experience with San Pedro, Laine and I let go of half of our physical belongings and celebrated our liberation by writing a song we named after our favorite ever-transformative stone, labradorite (here’s the first recording from that day).

I’ve been circling this concept of mysticism (which some call magic others call divine or godly, and still others call delusion or grandiosity) for years, because while I can feel the distinct difference in the classic serotonergics, my first experiences with mysticism were through cannabis as a teenager. Blazed up in AP bio, I had a mystical feeling learning about the enzyme in plants that takes carbon gas out of the air and creates solid carbon that is the basis of all life (RuBisCo); five years later, I started my research career with the enzyme soluble epoxide hydrolase and seven years later, I completed my PhD on the endocannabinoid-metabolizing enzymes

After my PhD I swore I’d never go back to school again, but I should know by now it’s impossible to set boundaries on the universe. I am currently a student in The River Course led by Dr. Joe Tafur, MD where I am sharing a once-in-a-lifetime experience of molecules, music, and mysticism with an entire community of psychedelic health professionals, activists, and scientists who want to expand our understanding of what it means to heal.

Dr. Joe Tafur is not only a doctor from UCSD and UCLA, but a trained Shipibo curandero and a spiritual leader at the Church of the Eagle and the Condor. He is teaching my classmates and me of the intangible, unquantifiable aspects of psychedelic healing that touch our souls, the missing piece of mental and physical health that Western medicine at best ignores, and at worst intentionally devalues. He is teaching us that healing is slow magic. And I feel the most connected to the magnitude and weight of this topic when he is singing to us.

I have a complicated relationship with religion and see myself as a spiritual wanderer, a bit lost and disconnected. But hearing these songs in the safety of this new community has awoken something deep within, something from perhaps even before this lifetime. The music takes me away from myself and I can start to see what tethers me and what sets me free.

The post Of Molecules, Music, and Mysticism first appeared on Project Chronic.

I am awakened in the mountains – an homage to Dr. Arlene Blum, PhD

Miyabe — Thu, 16 Feb 2023 01:38:48 +0000

My first PI (the “Principal Investigator” is the “Big Boss” of research laboratories, in charge of all research direction of everyone else in their lab) was Dr. Bruce D. Hammock, PhD at UC Davis. Shortly after meeting me, he suggested I read the book “Breaking Trail” by Dr. Arlene Blum, PhD because he thought “I’d have a lot in common with her.”

It took me almost a decade and my entire PhD later before I made my first big climb – Mt. Webster and Mt. Jackson up in NH. Everything clicked and my wife and I have spent as much time as possible backpacking and hiking our way through the 48. We’re about halfway through now and I’ve spent a lot of time thinking back to “Breaking Trail”, thinking back to the parallels between myself and an iconic, inspiring scientist, activist, and mountaineer.

"Arlene . . . that child will amount to no good . . .Tears begin to blur my eyes. I curl up on the ground, hug my knees, and shake with silent sobs. I hate my aunts words. I hate my aunt. I hate myself."

- Breaking Trail, Arlene Blum

I almost stopped reading the book right then. It was too close to home. I think the only reason I continued onwards was the promise of a happy ending. I already knew that the sad, crying little girl would transform into the powerful scientist whose research in biophysical chemistry at UC Berkeley lead to safer regulations on children’s clothing, the activist who would co-found the Green Science Policy Institute, and the mountaineer who would lead the first successful American ascent (all women) of Annapurna.

When she was rejected for being a woman and told she didn’t have a place on a mountaineering team, she proved them wrong (and she did it with an all female team). I’ve been focused on channeling this energy with my current dilemma of coming out as non-binary professionally.

Coming out (again) is what spurred this rediscovery of Dr. Blum, because I liken it to summiting a mountain. It’s an exhausting uphill battle for what seems to be unending miles and when you reach the summit, there’s a temporary reprieve of ineffable beauty. But then you must come down.

The reality of my current situation sometimes scares me. I never thought I’d be in this position. When I first read of Dr. Blum, I didn’t think I would survive to pass “the 27 club” let alone have aspirations to parallel hers. And it’s all the little reasons why I have made this beautiful life doable that fuels these aspirations.

I never thought I would make it and I want to help others surprise themselves. I want to be a part of the change, because I do believe that there is a better way to go about our health and wellness. I believe it’s deeper than biochemical, it’s spiritual. And I believe if I share the things I’ve learned, others usually agree. So I do aspire to be a scientist, an activist, and, yes, a mountaineer.

But above all else, I aspire towards her mindset. She didn’t accomplish those ridiculously lofty goals to “be someone,” she did it because it was the only thing that made sense to her. It was her purpose and it drove her further and harder than any external factors.

My purpose is never clearer to me than when I’m at the summit. This journey is my attempt to honor and prioritize it.

The post I am awakened in the mountains – an homage to Dr. Arlene Blum, PhD first appeared on Project Chronic.

My LinkedIn Dilemma (passive and active “professional discrimination” in cannabis and psychedelics industries)

Miyabe — Fri, 03 Feb 2023 16:01:57 +0000

Let me start by saying: I have reflected upon all of my interactions on LinkedIn with the intention of absorbing the positivity while allowing the negativity to flow off my shoulders and have concluded that it is a very supportive community overall.

However it’s also true that LinkedIn has been the space where I’ve received the most push back specifically for my gender identity (I am somewhere between agender and genderfluid and prefer they/them pronouns). And when I talk about how that affects me professionally, this happens:

Please note that most of those 6 replies are awesome people in the space (Marc Eden, Megan Dobro, and fellow “cannenby” Bex Heller) defending me. The hater’s ONLY response was this:

Before I dive into why “unprofessional” is a term used to perpetuate racist, sexist, ableist, and homophobic/transphobic cultural values in society, I’ve got a question. Did you notice he only responded to the other white man and not the woman or non binary person? If you didn’t notice it, no biggie, but it would help us underrepresented minorities to bring more awareness to “attention as a form of respect and power.” I guess from this perspective I should be grateful he used some of his valuable time to send me his opinion at all, haha!

So moving on, the most glaring evidence of professionalism being weaponized against a community is in the case of African American culture. Why are dreadlocks unprofessional and sometimes even included in school dress codes for children? Why is one body type the norm for beauty which affects professional development (if you’re naiive enough to believe there isn’t a business reward for physical attractiveness, then you are likely beautiful, be grateful for it). Additionally certain accents or dialects are automatically associated with a less professional image. I am hardly an expert on this, but it’s clear that dress codes are more often enforced against people of color (POC), specifically women or assigned-female at birth (AFAB) POC…

…which brings us to sexism. Misogyny is still at the core of many upper-tier cultures in business. And as I learned during my time as CSO of a startup, everything is business. Did you know the phrase “open the kimono” is a business phrase for “sharing backend details with each other”? And women are expected to laugh pleasantly at such a clever turn of phrase. Just as with racial/cultural differences in identity, women have more stringent standards for “professional identity” that range from the clothes they wear to the way they speak or their face looks. If you want to learn more, google what’s going on in the US political system re: gender-specific dress codes.

This rigid image of “professional” can be unsustainable for some people, especially when we consider neurodivergence. Sensory-friendly spaces, stimming, and other accommodations around attention are rarely present in the professional world. Any display of needing accommodation is generally viewed as a “net negative” for productivity. The norm is to mask until you’re pushed to a mental breakdown that almost kills you.

And now we finally arrive at the main subject: how is talking about my gender-identity unprofessional? Because it breaks that very same rigid image of professionalism.There is a reason that it’s upheld by the lucky few who hoard most of our resources (and those who live in excess and want to keep it that way). Because when we break that professional image, we are showing that we are not subservient to them or their opinions. We are visibly flaunting that we actively choose to live our lives outside of their acceptance. And if we can do that without punishment, then what’s stopping everyone else?

And for those of you who think that I should grow a thicker skin, you are so right. I have aspirations to keep sharing and to keep building this community. I need a thicker skin, and I’m working on it. But it’s also worth thinking about how professional criticism for identity-related features is extremely emotional and for many of us ties us back to generational and community trauma.

I am aware that being open about my sexuality and gender-identity means some people will hate me so much they are moved to violence. The most deadly night of violence against the LGBTQ community was in Miami in 2016, ending 49 innocent lives only 6 years ago. Just last November 2022, there was a hate crime in Colorado stealing the futures of 5 innocent people and their friends and family. The current data shows these events are increasing.

So yes, I need a thicker skin. But it’s also reasonable for these comments to trigger me; I am scared for my life, for my wife’s life. I’m scared, because there’s this nasty historical pattern where those who speak out too loudly against the status quo will eventually get murdered for it.

I am privileged to have a million unique reasons that allows me to get past this fear (I’ve had a near-death experience that was so statistically unlikely that it makes me truly believe in miracles). And this is also why I must keep speaking out for the vast majority of people like me who can’t.

So here is how I’m going to respond from now on

UPDATE – And here is his response:

via GIPHY

The post My LinkedIn Dilemma (passive and active “professional discrimination” in cannabis and psychedelics industries) first appeared on Project Chronic.

Strong Relationships Save Lives

Miyabe — Wed, 01 Feb 2023 00:42:00 +0000

I would not be here if it were not for a lot of people. And I’m not talking like five to ten… I have a long, continuously growing list of people who gave me the right support at the right time and saved my life.

My hope is that telling my story could inspire you to reach out to someone you love and may have lost touch with. Small acts can make big differences.

I live with very deep, intense emotions. It’s incredible when it’s good and devastating when it’s not. I live my life one step at a time along a beautiful cliffside, stealing quick glances at the stunning view then immediately checking myself so I don’t plummet to my death with the very next step. And quite a few times, it’s been another person who’s had to spot me.

Each of these pictures represents a critical moment or person in my life and this is far from an exhaustive list, it’s only the tiniest sampling:

“Listen to me – you did what was right in your heart and there can never be anything wrong with that. I’m going to take your keys so you don’t drive until you’ve calmed down, but I’ll give them back, we’ll talk again, and then you can go.”

This was said to me two weeks before I decided to move to Boston at the end of summer 2010. When she finally gave my keys back, I hopped in my old 4-runner and chain smoked all the way down the 5 listening to Pink Floyd.

“I feel like I could hang out with you forever and never get bored.”

Laine said this to me in late July 2014. We were on a day trip to Revere Beach imbibing all the different types of green stones with special powers like strength and hope. Hope was this really small quartzy stone with green inclusions and we kept “losing hope,” haha. This summer we’ll have been together for 9 years and married for 6 of them. We both have worked very hard to build a healthy relationship; exploring our minds together has been at the core. It hasn’t been easy, but after that day we never again lost hope.

“Swear to me on this bubbler that you will not do any other drugs besides smoking pot before you’re an adult.”

I was lucky to receive this advice from my mom as a teen. I could have easily gotten into something way heavier. Cannabis is undeniably a reduction of harm. The support of her and my step dad, Bob, is so rare for Asian parents; I’m incredibly lucky, but they’re both total dead heads so it doesn’t surprise me.

“Fuck everyone else”

Whenever we’re all together, people stare and try to figure us out. Why are these people together, they wonder? Once a little girl from Texas blatantly said, “Wait, I don’t get it? How do you all know each other?” We get it, we don’t look like a family. My step mom will always say, “these are all my children,” and then we laugh because it looks like she has three baby daddies (four when my brother’s girlfriend is with us).

After years of researching the exponential vulnerability of alienated and discriminated populations, it’s been brought to my attention that community is the most important support by far. This means that investing our time, energy, and, yes, money into community building is a harm reduction measurement that can bring about monumental change.

The post Strong Relationships Save Lives first appeared on Project Chronic.